JUST GUYS ... respect has to be earned or commanded.

Steve Uwazota

A boy is poked in his tender skin by a nasty looking nurse with an injection. The pain is so sharp that the young lad begins to cry. But he is told 'don't cry, you are a man, only girls cry'. I am sure you have heard this saying for ages and one more mention of this phrase could make you choke. At an early age, dogma such as this are fed into men; which forces them into roles that fit the the societal expectation.

Such statements trigger off a craving in the hearts of men, both old and young. It is the crave for respect. Few things actually engage man as much as his desire for respect. It's so vicious, potent and propelling that a man may stop at nothing to meet the crave.

You need to ask yourself why you're studying your current course or the real reason you're stalking that lady? One underlying factor most of us may not admit is that, we do all these because of our desire for respect. we want to fit into the role the society has carved for us and certainly don't want to be told that, we act like ladies.

Having established our desire for respect, which eats us up like a cancerous infection, it is pertinent to examine how it is expressed. It could be through achievements in sports, academics, business, family life, sex and so on. I will be shocked if there is a man who does not want the popularity of David Beckham, athletic skill of Sean Michael, wealth of Bil Gates and the ladies appeal of Will Smith all rolled up into one bundle - himself.

We crave respect from our days as toddlers till the day we die. That is why young boys brag about their sexual escapades (often exaggerated) in the midst of peers to earn the respect of the clique. Adults boast about the size of their congregations and the quality of their sermons. Hmm! so no one is immune to this virus of 'respect me'. Is this craving evil? not at all; our sincere achievements help our self esteem. It is a primal instinct.

Friends, respect has to be earned or commanded. But, I doubt if we can ever get to that point where every ounce of respect we get is based on merit. This is what turns some men into workaholics; they struggle to provide material comfort for their families. it puts so much pressure on them that, they physically and emotionally breakdown in their quest for respect.

In conclusion, to be respected is a genuine, legitimate desire of men. But it does not have to cost your very soul. Till I come again.

                                                   

Culled from XPRESSIONZ magazine maiden edition (June 2006)