JOKE - BAD LUCK!!!

A guy after seeing his results and had been advised to withdraw from the institution was at 'road 1' (OAU) with his girl on valentines day and the following conversation ensued:

Guy: You know you've always been there with me when things are rough.

Girl: Yes, that's because I love you.

Guy: I remember that, you were there with me when I was sick at the health centre.

Girl: That's true.

Guy: You were there when I was suspended.

Girl: I remember.

Guy: You were there when I went to check my results.

Girl: Quite true.

Guy: And now, you are here while I am leaving school.

Girl: That's just love.

Guy: I guess you are bad luck then. Since you have always been arround during my calamities

  

Culled from XPRESSIONZ magazine maiden edition (June 2006)

GIRL TALK ... who says there are no virgins?

Bolanle Okewumi
Hello ladies, now I am surprised that the middle of the "new year" is here already. Can you beat that? It's a pleasant joy to breathe in fresh and clean air. Did I hear you say ... thank you Jesus? Uh, that's the spirit!

Well can we talk; mean really talk? I was talking to one of the gorgeous ladies we have on this beautiful campus lately.
Okay, I'll let you into the gist. She was heartbroken because she was torn between two loves ... a gorgeous, fine christian brother (bobo), REALLY nice guy. The other one she hadn't met physically though they talk all the time. When she's down He gives her endless love and attention. He wanted nothing physical ... know what I mean! My christian 'bros' started hanging out with the wrong crowd. Guess what? He started talking about g - strings (alarmed!) and of course, SEX.
Yes, I'm a little startled but I guess there is 'nothing new under the heaven'. "You cannot prevent a bird from flying over your head. You can only prevent it from perching and building a nest on your head".
I'm glad to say that, my friend told the guy to take a screech and put his acts together. She went for the other guy instead. This is the sweetest part ... she said no simply because she loves the 'other guy' ... Jesus. Frankly, when I saw the tears flowing on her face and the depth of her love for her guy, I knew I needed to examine my heart. Emotions should not rule us always. Agreed we are emotional beings; relational to the core. Yet, God demands a standard from us. Do I love God so much? Would I be heartbroken and still stand for a 'guy' I can't see with my eyes?

Frankly speaking, ladies, we cannot afford to open our pillars for just any priest who wants to enter the temple. It breaks the chief priest's heart. Our holy of holies is the truly fragile; yes we are made for only one high priest. The stain and stench we bring to the temple drives the sweet fragrance of the temple away.
Our legs are the pillars God has given us to guard against strange priests; the hymen is the veil and only the high priest assigned to your heart (after the rings ... know what I mean) is allowed to 'enter'.
Yeah, who says there are no virgins? There are! I know for a fact that God also restores the glory of virginity. He can 'tighten' you again. Simply come to Jesus. We are His girls. Don't run away from Him. He feels everything you feel. I'm sure you get the drift darlings.
Can I let you in on a secret ... every guy wants a pretty, lovely looking girl. Please let's keep ourselves. Look good! Godliness is beautiful. Yeah, stay purified within and without. Beauty emanates from the inside. Let's reflect this on the outside. Cleanliness is next to Godliness ... the dirty plates under the tables, one week old under-wears! No, the chief priest won't be excited about that. I gotta go now. Remember this "Beauty is vain, charm is deceitful. A woman who fears the Lord shall be praised".
Keep  the faith. Love God first above all else ... please stay 'tight' and clean.  
See yah!


Culled from XPRESSIONZ magazine maiden edition (June 2006)

DILEMMA ... our relationship was meant to be a fling ...

My name is Tony, a final year student in my early twenties. I have a fiancee - Toyin. We love each other and plan to get married soon after my graduation. But Mary, my ex - girlfriend constitutes a stumbling block.


MY STORY

It was such a lovely day, the end of a sweet weekend. It was the first time Toyin would spend the weekend with me in school. During her stay, we had enough time to share love and renew promises made to each other.

The following day, I accompanied her to the car park. As I walked the short distance back to my house, I had already began to miss her. The thought of being alone in the coming days was disturbing. I later concluded, it was for the best as I would be able to concentrate on my forthcoming examinations.
Immediately I stepped into the expansive compound that housed my apartment, who I saw was the last person on my mind. Standing at my door entrance was Mary - my former girlfriend. I almost froze to death. What if Toyin had seen her? I just did enough to dismiss her. Only God knew why she came. She mumbled some words. But I was not in the mood at all. She left only to return the following day with a baby strapped to her back. As if her presence was not bad enough, she asked to enter my room for us to talk. I was very annoyed but allowed her in order to avoid any embarrassment because I noticed she was determined to have her way.    

She began to cry and lament how I abandoned her to suffer alone after all the love we shared. But that was in the past; our relationship was meant to be a fling, without any commitment or future. All we both wanted was regular sex and companionship.
I left her the day she told me she was pregnant. It was unbelievable and unthinkable. We were both students still living with our parents. I just couldn't comprehend nor make sense out of it.
Amidst tears, she told me how she was thrown out of the house by her guardian and started squatting with friends. She had wanted abortion but the doctor warned her of the likelihood of losing her womb and she may die because of the previous abortions she had in the past.
At this point, I had gotten impatient with her crocodile tears and was about to throw her out when she revealed that, the baby with her was my child. Of course, I couldn't have fallen for such a gimmick. So I asked her out of my house and warned her never to return again.

This matter is really bothering  me and I don't know what to do. Despite my denial, I feel the child may be mine. But how can I father a child at this stage of my life? I just regret ever meeting Mary. What kind of mess is this?
I can't even let Toyin hear of this nor my parents. My dad would just hands - off my education permanently.
Only God knows what Mary is planning to do next. As for me, I don't know!


Culled from XPRESSIONZ magazine maiden edition (June 2006)